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Thursday, August 25, 2016

The Techiest of Tech


Jester’s Log. Mission #2: R&D Off the Rails
Is it just me, or have we really been slacking off in terms of technological advancement? I mean – come on now. It’s been almost 50 years since we put a man on the moon and we don’t have a single donut shop there yet?? What is this world coming to?

As I noted in my last report, we are seriously under-utilizing our technology – or at the very least – focusing on too many of the wrong things. Think about it for a minute. There’s a new cell phone model out every three or four days and 30-40 new apps for that phone since I started writing this report, but we can’t make a hoverboard that doesn’t instantly burst into flames?

We at Life Explained may not exactly be running on the bleeding edge of technological advancement with our tin can phones between our offices and all, but that’s due to a little glitch in the finance department. It’s our heart and vision that count. Our Research and Development team is working around the clock (fancy talk for “off the clock”) to take the next logical step in technology needed for deep space colonization: Teleportation

The rocket scientists of the world have already proven they’re capable of building spacecraft and space stations, so there’s no real challenge left in that. The real issue we’re concerned with now is the sheer amount of time it takes to travel through space. That’s all the more important because it’s not “deep” space colonization unless you get out towards Mars at least. Apparently most people don’t like the idea of an 8-10 month trip in a spacecraft to get to their destination.

Besides the pure awesome factor of teleportation, it’s a legitimate need to get people, supplies and building materials to our remote colonization sites. It’s a fine line between urgent and responsible – which has long been a stumbling block for us. Fear not though, we have learned our lesson and will be taking extra precautions this time around.

Once we figure out the minor details like the Physics and mechanics behind making teleportation work, we will do a few test runs. We will begin the testing by sending non-essential things like building supplies and politicians so there is nothing lost if things go sideways on us. Once we complete a couple of successful trial runs, we’ll be ready for action.

Another issue has been brought to my attention that I feel warrants more research and a report at a later date: Conspiracy Theories. Our society churning out large groups of non-trusting and argumentative folks who want to deny just about anything.

Because of this, we will remain completely transparent in our progress towards successful teleportation. I’m not sure that would be an issue considering we like to brag about all our successes. At least that’s what we plan to do when we have one. Until next time….